I love to text. I think it's an awesome way to send a short little "I'm thinking of you" note or quick exchange of thoughts when calls may be inappropriate (read: "school choir event" or "staff meeting"). My mom, son and many friends are all very text savvy and it works great! But I've often wondered: "Who came up with the idea first?" Today I found out. The hard way.
I visited the Men's room this morning. Normally our restrooms are kept very clean and well stocked. Until today. Maybe there was a strike I hadn't heard about. No signs on the doors to eluded to lurking danger. So I stepped in, dropped trau and did my business. And then I discovered why texting was invented.
The text conversation went something like this...
me: "HLP!!"
Don: "WU"
me: "I'm stuck in a bathroom stall, no TP!"
Don: "LOL"
me: "Rescue me!"
Don: "On my way...wait til this comes up in staff today"
me: "FU"
Moments later he sticks his hand over the stall door with PRINTER paper...bastard!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Cellphone explosion kills man - 9th reported case since 2002
A recent report of another man being killed from his cellphone exploding leads me to the need to remind people about cellphone safety.
Without going into technical details, just know that a battery is designed to store and release energy. When energy is released in a slow, controlled way = good. When released too rapidly and uncontrolled = bad.
The technology that goes into high-capacity, low density batteries is very cutting edge and not cheap. When parts are made with sub-par materials the battery integrity is GREATLY diminished and potentially volatile. The battery charger has equal design consideration and importance. Cheap, replacement chargers can break down the internal materials of good batteries. All of these tragedies stemmed from cheap, knock-off parts and accessories from China. [China has no laws forcing any kind of quality assurance or company liability.]
Important things to know!!
A few last comments:
Before you think that it's OK to ignore these common sense tips because you use name brand batteries and accessories, remember there have been dozens and dozens of reported fires and explosions from laptop batteries. Almost every major mfrs has had one OR MORE laptop battery recall campaigns. I mention this to reinforce the fact that battery technology is a) Not perfect, and b) Even when the best materials from top name mfrs are used there still exists a risk from devices designed to store and retain a lot of energy.
That said: Keep in mind the wave of "Green" technology sweeping the country. Many people think it's best to buy a new Hybrid car...which has a HUGE battery on board, made of similar technology as cellphones and laptops. Ask yourself if it's worth an extra $5,000-$10,000 in added cost just to get an extra 2-10 MPG given that you are driving around with a potential bomb on board. And remember I mentioned above that you should never carry your cellphone near vital organs or body parts. The huge battery in hybrid cars is almost always next to the gas tank. Food for thought.
Stay healthy!
Without going into technical details, just know that a battery is designed to store and release energy. When energy is released in a slow, controlled way = good. When released too rapidly and uncontrolled = bad.
The technology that goes into high-capacity, low density batteries is very cutting edge and not cheap. When parts are made with sub-par materials the battery integrity is GREATLY diminished and potentially volatile. The battery charger has equal design consideration and importance. Cheap, replacement chargers can break down the internal materials of good batteries. All of these tragedies stemmed from cheap, knock-off parts and accessories from China. [China has no laws forcing any kind of quality assurance or company liability.]
Important things to know!!
- Deaths were due to the phone being used or kept near vital parts of the body. e.g. Head, organs &/or arteries.
- When your cellphone is NOT in use make sure you keep it away from vital parts of the body; e.g. shirt pockets or front pants pockets (near the femoral artery). It's best to keep your cellphone in a bag, tote, backpack or briefcase that shields your body and could contain any explosion. IF YOU MUST wear a cellphone on a belt holster then be sure to keep it battery side OUT!
- The part that explodes is the battery. In this recent case the victim had just replaced his cellphone battery with a new, cheap, no-name battery.
- At all times you should use a wired or wireless headset to talk on your cellphone. It's not only a good idea when driving (walking, biking, etc), and in many states it's become LAW, but it allows you to keep the phone a safe distance from your body.
- If you buy a new battery make sure you purchase an OEM battery, preferably from your wireless carrier's store or direct from a mfrs store. Buying a battery that's labeled "Meets or exceeds OEM specification" isn't the same. Most mfrs have a holographic logo or official seal of authenticity they put on genuine merchandise. Look for it.
- Same goes for wall or car chargers! Make sure you are buying a charger made by the mfrs or your cellphone carrier. Look for an authentic logo. Buying a cheap, knock-off charger can deteriorate &/or weaken the linings inside a cellphone battery, turning your cellphone into a time bomb! [I've seen car chargers for cellphones in the Dollar Store. I think your life and health are worth more than $1.]
- TEACH YOUR CHILDREN HOW TO PROPERLY USE AND CARRY A CELLPHONE. I can't stress this enough. Obtain for them and teach them how to use a headset. Train them to carry unused cellphones in their backpack or bag. Make sure your child does NOT hold the cellphone next to their head for long periods of time, even when the phone is off. How many times have you seen a toddler pretending to talk on mommy's or daddy's cellphone?
A few last comments:
Before you think that it's OK to ignore these common sense tips because you use name brand batteries and accessories, remember there have been dozens and dozens of reported fires and explosions from laptop batteries. Almost every major mfrs has had one OR MORE laptop battery recall campaigns. I mention this to reinforce the fact that battery technology is a) Not perfect, and b) Even when the best materials from top name mfrs are used there still exists a risk from devices designed to store and retain a lot of energy.
That said: Keep in mind the wave of "Green" technology sweeping the country. Many people think it's best to buy a new Hybrid car...which has a HUGE battery on board, made of similar technology as cellphones and laptops. Ask yourself if it's worth an extra $5,000-$10,000 in added cost just to get an extra 2-10 MPG given that you are driving around with a potential bomb on board. And remember I mentioned above that you should never carry your cellphone near vital organs or body parts. The huge battery in hybrid cars is almost always next to the gas tank. Food for thought.
Stay healthy!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Engineers Explained
An explanation of how engineers live, think, and act:
People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.
ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
Q. How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?
A. During a conversation, he stares at your shoes instead of his.
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
*Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
*Important social contacts
*A feeling of connectedness with other humans
In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:
*Get it over with as soon as possible.
*Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
*Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:
(1)things that need to be fixed,
and
(2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
FASHION AND APPEARANCE
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
LOVE OF "STAR TREK"
Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms.
DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
* Bill Gates.
* MacGyver.
* Etcetera.
Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.
HONESTY
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.
"I won't change anything without asking you first."
"I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"I'm not jealous of your new computer."
FRUGALITY
Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"
POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.
RISK
Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.
EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS
* Hindenberg.
* Space Shuttle Challenger.
* SPANet(tm)
* Hubble space telescope.
* Apollo 3.
* Titanic.
* Ford Pinto.
* Corvair.
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.
If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much."
EGO
Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
* How smart they are.
* How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex--and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems."
At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.
ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
Q. How can you tell if an engineer is an extrovert?
A. During a conversation, he stares at your shoes instead of his.
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:
*Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
*Important social contacts
*A feeling of connectedness with other humans
In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:
*Get it over with as soon as possible.
*Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
*Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:
(1)things that need to be fixed,
and
(2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.
FASHION AND APPEARANCE
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.
LOVE OF "STAR TREK"
Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms.
DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.
Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.
Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:
* Bill Gates.
* MacGyver.
* Etcetera.
Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.
HONESTY
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.
Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.
"I won't change anything without asking you first."
"I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
"I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"I'm not jealous of your new computer."
FRUGALITY
Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"
POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.
RISK
Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.
EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS
* Hindenberg.
* Space Shuttle Challenger.
* SPANet(tm)
* Hubble space telescope.
* Apollo 3.
* Titanic.
* Ford Pinto.
* Corvair.
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.
If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much."
EGO
Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
* How smart they are.
* How many cool devices they own.
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex--and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems."
At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Where’s Mine??
Dear Uncle Sam,
I have read lately you're in the giving mood. Things are going well for you this year and obviously you are being very generous with your gift-giving. How wonderful!
Giving a blank check for $800,000,000,000.00 to several unnamed financial institutions set a precedent that wowed even the likes of Ted Turner. I also read that you recently signed up to give another $300,000,000,000.00 to Citi Group plus an additional $20,000,000,000.00 "stimulus" stocking stuffer. Who'd of thought the coffers were so deep after all the talk of handing out $250,000,000,000.00 to three of the many auto manufacturers who operate businesses in our country who can't seem to stay afloat on their own. What's really amazing is how you all budget such generous gift giving considering that the War on Terror is costing $10,000,000,000.00 a month. Whew! What a mortgage payment that seems to be!!
They say it's better to give than to receive. Way to go above and beyond!
With this kind of generosity and loose giving running rampant this should be a banner year for the Salvation Army, Goodwill, sundry food pantries, United Way, homeless shelters, United Negro College Fund, Boys & Girls Club of America, Scouts and the myriad other organizations that survive on donations to help those less fortunate. After all, aren't we first taking care of the people who worked hard, paid taxes and maybe have fallen on some bad luck?
I'd also like to just say thanks in advance for the generous gift that is surely coming my way. Because in my life I, too, have made some financial mistakes; I've made some bad investments; lost a good deal of my retirement; gone through the financial devastation of divorce; been "upside down" in my car; suffered a short sale loss of a home when the housing market crashed; and had some bad luck. I'm bleeding money left and right and don't really have a plan to fix it.
Additionally, I know that generous financial gift, which is all but in my account already, won't require any kind of approval from the people who funded it. Nor will you be bothered with reading over any kind of plan on how that humongous sum of money will be spent. In return you will experience the joy and satisfaction of knowing my continued failures won't do me in. Surely that will be more than enough to make the homeless feel warm, the hungry feel satiated, the abused feel safe, the sick to feel healed and the impoverished children to feel loved this holiday season.
Hope you and Mrs. Sam are well this financially blessed holiday season. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
~C
P.S. I didn't get much of a vacation this year. Do you all still have that time-share in the Keys I can have for a few weeks this winter? Thanks in advance.
I have read lately you're in the giving mood. Things are going well for you this year and obviously you are being very generous with your gift-giving. How wonderful!
Giving a blank check for $800,000,000,000.00 to several unnamed financial institutions set a precedent that wowed even the likes of Ted Turner. I also read that you recently signed up to give another $300,000,000,000.00 to Citi Group plus an additional $20,000,000,000.00 "stimulus" stocking stuffer. Who'd of thought the coffers were so deep after all the talk of handing out $250,000,000,000.00 to three of the many auto manufacturers who operate businesses in our country who can't seem to stay afloat on their own. What's really amazing is how you all budget such generous gift giving considering that the War on Terror is costing $10,000,000,000.00 a month. Whew! What a mortgage payment that seems to be!!
They say it's better to give than to receive. Way to go above and beyond!
With this kind of generosity and loose giving running rampant this should be a banner year for the Salvation Army, Goodwill, sundry food pantries, United Way, homeless shelters, United Negro College Fund, Boys & Girls Club of America, Scouts and the myriad other organizations that survive on donations to help those less fortunate. After all, aren't we first taking care of the people who worked hard, paid taxes and maybe have fallen on some bad luck?
I'd also like to just say thanks in advance for the generous gift that is surely coming my way. Because in my life I, too, have made some financial mistakes; I've made some bad investments; lost a good deal of my retirement; gone through the financial devastation of divorce; been "upside down" in my car; suffered a short sale loss of a home when the housing market crashed; and had some bad luck. I'm bleeding money left and right and don't really have a plan to fix it.
Additionally, I know that generous financial gift, which is all but in my account already, won't require any kind of approval from the people who funded it. Nor will you be bothered with reading over any kind of plan on how that humongous sum of money will be spent. In return you will experience the joy and satisfaction of knowing my continued failures won't do me in. Surely that will be more than enough to make the homeless feel warm, the hungry feel satiated, the abused feel safe, the sick to feel healed and the impoverished children to feel loved this holiday season.
Hope you and Mrs. Sam are well this financially blessed holiday season. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
~C
P.S. I didn't get much of a vacation this year. Do you all still have that time-share in the Keys I can have for a few weeks this winter? Thanks in advance.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Free Stuff for Voting!
Check it peeps: Vote today and you can get for FREE...
"Tall" coffee @ Starbucks. Read that once more...free Starbucks for voting!
Free star shaped doughnut w/ red, white & blue sprinkles @ Krispy Kreme!
Free Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Yum.
Just show 'em the "I Voted" sticker from your polling place you get after you vote and you are in...but not thin. :D
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